Some people have told me that I make a good friend. If this is indeed true, I need to give credit where credit is due:
1.) Since I am saved by grace and occupied by the Holy Spirit, it is the fruits and gifting of the Spirit inside of me that enable me to be a good friend. We know that when I display friendship, it is only God working through me, because left to my own devices, I would be living in a fort built with blankets and coloring and not talking to anyone.
2.) My mamma raised me well.
Mom taught me lots (and lots and lots) of things, but friendship was a REALLY BIG DEAL to her, and it still is. I'll try to hit the highlights for you.
Be kind.
Always. To everyone. There is never anyone that deserves your meanness. Plato said,
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
When others are rude and unkind, I have to remind myself that it comes from a place of pain for them. They have been treated unkindly, and that is why they are acting that way. So I can make it worse, by returning the unkind word, or I can try to help alleviate the pain.
The 7th and 8th grade girls I teach in Sunday School always amaze me. One morning we were talking about kindness, and Ellyn shared about a boy at school who was really annoying, so everyone was mean to him and picked on him. Then they found out that his mom had just died, and they felt really bad. And Ellyn said, "But it shouldn't matter. They should have been kind, whether he was going through something hard or not!"
No matter how annoying someone is, they are still a person and deserve to be treated like a person. If you struggle with this, remember that there are times that YOU are annoying, and mean, and rude, and everyone else thinks YOU deserve to be treated poorly. But what a difference it makes to you when someone choses to be kind.
Be that person. Make the difference.
If you want a friend, be a friend.
This is so basic, right? And yet so often overlooked. Especially when I am working with the youth, I hear them say "I don't like that activity, because I don't have any friends there." When I said that, my mom always, ALWAYS said "Look around and see who else doesn't have a friend and be a friend to them."
YOU initiate. YOU start the conversation. YOU invite them to YOUR house for dinner. Stop waiting for someone else to approach you. Remember: they're probably just as scared as you are.
Be friends with the new kid. Make them feel welcome. Make sure they have someone to play with at recess and eat with at lunch. If I was going to tell my mom there was a new kid in my class (especially if it was a girl), I had better also be prepared to tell her that I talked to them, or that they were with other people all day. It was just expected.
This especially applies at church now. I grew up in a big church, and sometimes people would complain "I've been coming here for a month and no one has welcomed me." That's because there are so many people that no one knows who is new and who isn't. And it really shouldn't matter. Talk to the people around you. Tell them you're glad they are there. Find out about them.
Don't leave people out.
I realize everyone can't be included in everything, but at least don't flaunt that you had a party and someone wasn't invited. When we had birthday parties, we were strictly instructed by Mom not to talk about it at school, because not everyone was invited.
This still applies as grown-ups, guys! If you tell Family A that you had Family B over for dinner and it was such a good time, then Family A had better currently be at your house for dinner, or have an invitation to come soon.
Also, keep in mind inside jokes. If you have an inside joke, keep it inside, rather than mentioning it around others and flaunting your intimate and understanding relationship with your friend that everyone else is left out of. My prefered option on this is to SHARE the joke. If it's really that funny, why can't everyone laugh about it?
I know that these things might seem extreme, but I have seen so many people be hurt by lack of these very basic principles.
This only scratches the surface of my Mom's friendship lessons, but I think it hits the big points.
What did your mom teach you about friendship?
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