here it is...

As I said on Sunday, it has been quite the week.  Actually, it has been quite the fortnight by this point.  I really need a nap in a major kind of way. 

No, I'm not ready to talk about it.
But I will anyway.
Because I'm a big girl, and my life is NOT ending, and I need to get some sleep and move on with my life and stop being so dramatic.

Are you worried yet?  Don't be.  


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I have known for several months that Sapphire was going to be moving 45 minutes away.  I know that 45 minutes isn't that far, and we will still be friends and hang out on a semi-regular basis.  But 45 minutes is not right here, and vet tech school isn't quite the same as available whenever we want to go on a walk (or a road trip).

So I spent the summer in denial.

When we took our latest road trip as a last hurrah, the reality started to set in, and I started to prepare myself for slight/ huge change that was coming.

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I knew that Anne had been looking for another job for months.  I knew that it was best for her to go somewhere else where she would be happier.  And I knew that she was a competent, talented person, and of course she would find a job.  I just didn't want to think about her leaving.

Then, all at once (the week before Sapphire moved), she told me she had been offered a job (literally, she had JUST been offered the job) and Friday would be her last day.  She's not going far, and we will still be able to get together for movie nights and shopping trips.  But I won't see her everyday at work.

Sapphire AND Anne in one week?!  That's a lot of loss.   "Really, God?  Really?  At the same time?"

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Sunday we moved Sapphire into her new apartment.  The move went smoothly, and her apartment really is a nice place, and I will enjoy spending Sunday evenings in January there watching Downton Abby Season 3.

Praise the Lord, Steve and Amy invited us over for supper that night.  Diversions are good, right?  So is pizza.   As we were talking, the topic of our small group came up-- the small group they have lead and hosted for the last two years.  They said they need a break and won't be doing small group this fall.

Bummer.

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We leave Steve and Amy's pretty early, because Tim has to come home and pack.  He's leaving dark and early in the morning for a week and a half.

I cry myself to sleep.

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I worked that Monday.  I knew it was a good thing to go and do something productive.  I had a crying hang over, and I was just trying to get through the day.  I was doing pretty well (it helped that Mindy promised me she wasn't going anywhere).

At 3:30 Jeff calls.  I love talking to Jeff.  He's such a good coworker.  He is a huge asset to our team, and for the first time in a long time, I feel good about my team.  We have fun together.  We work well together.  Jeff just does so much, though, and he makes me look like a slacker.  I stress out because I can't compete with him.

He tells me he took a job at another agency, and his last day is September 14.

When I hang up the phone, I look over at Mindy.  She already knew, but hadn't told be because she knew I would be a mess.

She's right.

She tells me its ok to cry.

I do.

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The grief was overwhelming.  I couldn't even talk.  I felt so broken.  I had thought I was adequately broken before, but God revealed to me how much more I needed to be broken.

I never doubted His goodness, though.  I knew that God had to clear the way for something even better.  As much as I loved what I had, there are even greater blessings when I am broken before Him.

No one got hurt.  No one died.  No one is more than a phone call or text or email away, really.  But I felt so alone.  As I was driving home from work, it was like God was riding in the passenger seat, and looked over at me and said, "Well, Steph.  It looks like it's just you and me now."

And how blessed this week has been, just the two of us!  A couple of months ago, I was fervently seeking the Lord and His will.  I wasn't sure what He wanted me to be doing (read: I didn't like what He had me doing), and I wanted Him to show me His will.  I wanted to know what my future held...none of this "take things step by step" nonsense!  I begged and begged and begged Him to show me His will and plan for me (read: what I wanted to do).

In keeping with His faithful character, He answered me a couple of months ago.  He said "Stephanie, I am faithful.  And I am right here with you."

That's what he said to me last week when I was driving home in tears.  He is still faithful.  And He is still right here.

The loss still hurts, but I know that God loves me and only wants the BEST for me, not just what is pretty good.

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As I said, there were so many blessings this past week as well.  More on that later, but rest assured, there was lots and lots of laughter :)