Today is the Real Life with the Taylors episode for Friendship Week. So basically, its Real Life with Stephanie.
Real life moment: these pictures have nothing to do with the blog post. Also, I'm sorry they're out of focus.
Friendships can be hard. Any really good friendship is werk. But it is worth the hard work! "The hard is what makes it great." (Jimmy Dugan in A League of Thier Own)
1) Feeling Left Out
This may happen to some more than others, but we have all felt this at one point or another. You notice they have an inside joke, or see that they did something without you on Facebook, and immediately you feel like the odd man out. I have lots of things to say about this, but I'll stick to two.
I have seen people have an interaction, and I think They're so close! They just talked about that thing they have in common, and I bet they're best friends. Later I find out that they barely know each other... that one thing they have in common is the only thing they have in common, so they were connecting with that. Even if they are really close and best friends, that doesn't mean they won't be friends with you.
Secondly, Facebook, Instagram, etc...fake or real? Answer: yes. I really noticed this on vacation. You see people post pictures of all of these fun/crazy/adventurous things they did, and think "Wow...they're fun/crazy/adventurous." But in actuality, they only did that crazy thing once, and it scared the heck out of them, and they're not going to do it again, but they posted it on Facebook to prove that they did it. NEWSFLASH: While Facebook, Instagram, and blogs are part a of person's real life, you have no idea how small that part of their life is. It could be minuscule, but that is what they chose to share with you. Not the mundane moments, where they are sitting at home, feeling left out.
2) People Move On
Sometimes people literally move away. Sometimes friendships just fade. This is hard (especially the second one), but it's ok, and it's normal, and you're normal. Don't take it personally...just see it as an opportunity to build on the other friendships you have or make new ones. If you're afraid to make a new friend, because you don't want to "replace" your old friend...it just doesn't work that way. Your new friend will give you something you never knew you were missing, in their own unique way.
When friends move away, don't assume the friendship will die. There is still hope! Keep in touch, at least a little bit, and you will be surprised to find what a blessing these long distance relationships will bring. Sometimes you just need perspective from someone who is outside of your life, but still knows you well. I feel that several of my long-distance friendships are even more meaningful than when I saw them every day. They're just so much more intentional, and it's really special.
3) Boundaries
I should not talk about this. Because I have very poor boundaries. My wonderful husband is so generous and flexible in sharing my time and our home with my friends, but I know that sometimes it wears on him. I have a really hard time saying "no," but when I do, my friends are usually very gracious and understanding. I guess my advice for you on this is this:
Make sure that what you're giving is sustainable.
If you're starting out a friendship feeling overwhelmed by how much you're giving, then stop giving so much. This does not mean stop giving all together, just give what you know that you can.
Sometimes God gives us friends that take a lot out of us, and it's not very easy. Just remember that when you are connected to The Source, you will have infinite love and compassion to give. Also, keep in mind that sometimes these friends might not come from God, and you are trying to do something He is not calling you to do.
Confused yet? Let me know if you figure it out... I could use some help in this area.
4) Disappointment
I was talking to a friend, and we were talking about what a boggart would turn into if we encountered it. (For non-Potterheads, a boggart is a magical creature that takes the form of your biggest fear). She told me that it would turn into someone saying "I'm disappointed in you." Yeah... I know what she means. (For the record, I think there is a boggart in the beginning of the Star Trek movie, because the opening scene is probably my biggest fear.) Since I'm so afraid of disappointing people, I try to be everything they want me to be. And I expect that in return, and therefore am disappointed. (More on that here). Instead of expecting so much of myself and them, I need to give us both a break.
I guess what I'm saying is this: if you are frequently disappointed by others, take a look at yourself. They definitely need you to give them a break, but this may be a symptom of the fact that you need to give yourself a break.
5) Bad Friends
Let's be honest...some friends just aren't worth having. I recently saw a quote somewhere that said something like it is better to have no friends than to have bad friends.
Bad friends use you, take from you without giving, don't grow, and don't help you grow.
There can also be a difference between someone you shouldn't be friends with, and someone you don't want to be friends with. Sometimes we need to befriend people that we don't want to, because God wants to use us to help them. Often in the process, we find out that He was really using them to help us, and we didn't even know it.
As a believer in Jesus Christ, I need to help every one of my friends come closer to Christ, whether they are a believer or not. Often this is what helps me figure out who is a bad friend and who isn't. Worth noting: I don't come across many bad friends.
I leave you with this for today. Kid President knows a lot... a lot of this applies to friendship!
I absolutely LOOOOVE Kid President. Elizabeth and I watch him all the time.
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