thoughts of an adopting mom + a (little) adoption update

Hi Friends.

It's been awhile since I've updated you on our adoption.  The reasons are many...progress has been very slow, and every step completed just leads to more waiting, so even though each milestone is significant, it doesn't feel like it brings us any closer to a completed adoption.  Also, (and this is very much my own "junk") when I do tell people about a completed step, it leads to many questions about what that means, what's next, and how long it will be.  I have a basic understanding of what these things mean, but I don't know answers to questions like "what is next" and "how long will it be."  For the most part I'm ok with not knowing these answers (at least I'm trying to be ok with it), but many other people are NOT ok with not know these answers, and sometimes I can start to absorb their anxiety about it. Additionally, we do know answers to some of these questions, but it is not necessarily our place (or appropriate) to share them with others.

The tricky thing is, it's not that I don't want people to ask about our adoption... I do! I want to have conversations about it!  I just don't know how to balance these things out.  Tim and I are working hard at trusting the Lord and trying to manage our expectations for this adoption, but it often feels like the more challenging thing is to manage other people's expectations for our adoption.

It is very hard to put words to my thoughts and feelings, so for the most part, I just try to not talk about it.  But I'm realizing that's not probably very good for me, so I'm trying to get some of it out here. (Thanks for listening!)

Since we last checked in on this topic, a few things have happened that are "big milestones."  In July we received the final copy of our home study report.  In November, we submitted our report, along with our I-600A form to USCIS (US Customs and Immigration Services).  On January 12, 2019 we were notified that USCIS approved us to adopt internationally.  So where are we now?  Basically, we are waiting on a referral, aka, "a match."  At this time, we feel that God is calling us to adopt a sibling group of two children, but we are trying to be sensitive to His leading, understanding that He may guide us in a different direction.  We do not believe that we will be adopting a "baby," because the youngest child at the orphanage is about 4 years old.  Sometimes people ask me "how are things going with your baby?" or say "I'm praying for your baby" and my initial reaction is confusion and "What baby? Oh, our adoption? Yeah..." That doesn't mean that at some point a baby may come to the orphanage and God may lead us in that direction, but right now, that's not where our brains are.

We have no idea how long it will take to be matched... so far it has been about 1.5 months.  I don't know what happens after that, but what I understand (roughly) is that we will send our dossier to CAR, it will be translated, there will be some court dates (2 seems to be the usual number of court dates), we will file an I-600 form with USCIS, and when that is approved, there are final exit interviews and visas to get before we travel to go bring them home. Each of these steps can take a very long time, and each initial step in our case took way longer than "average" or expected.

God is working through this wait, in CAR, in our kid(s), in people we don't even know or see, and in people surrounding us.  I don't see all that He is doing, but I do see the work He is doing in me, and I am learning many things.  Here are a few of them.

• Adoption is beautiful, but it always starts with trauma.  It is so important that we honor and recognize the biological families that adopted children come from and respect the very hard decisions they had to make.
• Culture is so complicated.  It is also so much a part of who we are, that it is difficult to realize when we are viewing something--especially what we consider "right" and "wrong" through the lens of our own culture.  That's why I'm so grateful that God gives us His Word, and His Spirit is faithful to reveal our hearts and His Truth.
• I am not "saving" this kid/ these kids by adopting them.  They are in a very good, very healthy place.  I'm realizing that most orphanages are not as good as JHO, and I'm so grateful for the staff there and financial supporters of the ministry.  I pray daily for physical and spiritual protection over them and their work.
• My good friend, Kari, recently shared with me from her study of the life of David-- "The wait isn't nothing." God is using it and working in it.  
• The Lord will fight for me.  The Lord will fight on behalf of these orphans.  The battle is not mine.  I need to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12).  I need to be the persistent widow Christ spoke of in Luke 18.  Luke introduces the story by saying "Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up" (Luke 18:1).  There are many times I have wondered whether or not this adoption will actually happen. While it is looking perhaps a little bit more likely, there is still no guarantee that it will come to fruition.  Yes, we feel that God has clearly called us to walk down this path, but I do not believe that He has (yet) promised us it will end with a child.  A friend of mine has experienced several miscarriages, and as she has worked through that with the Lord, He has asked her "What if the outcome of all of this is not another child?  What if it is simply a closer walk with Me?  Is that enough for you?"  Wow. Hard questions.  But what could be better that a closer walk with God?

Thanks for reading this brain barf.  I was going to try to cover some frequently asked questions here as well, but this post is long enough already, so I'll do that in another post soon.  I know I said I get tired of answering questions, but I also said I do still want people to ask!  So, let me know what questions you have, and I will try to cover them in my next post!

I'm also adding an "Adoption" page to the blog that I will slowly add to with the timeline of our process, links to adoption posts, and some resources I've found helpful.  Remember that each adoption story is different, and our process may look completely different from someone else's.

Again, thanks for being here, supporting, encouraging, and walking with us through this process!

This Is 2: lessons from a toddler on living your best life

The opinions expressed below are only those of the two-year-old in question, and do not necessarily reflect those of her parents.

Since it's a new year and everyone's turning over a new leaf (and I'll only be two for a few more days), I wanted to hop on and share my advice for those of you wanting to get more out of life.  Since I'm two, I live life LARGE, with a whole lot of intensity.  So I thought I would be pretty qualified to help you enjoy every single moment of every single day. Here are 10 tips for living full-throttle, every waking moment.

1.) When it comes to fashion, more is more.  Layers are always great, but make sure to pay attention to matching.  Consider my outfit below: the pants and the undershirt have flowers, and the undershirt and top shirt have pink.  So everything matches.  See how this works?

2.) The best way to get from point A to point B is not to walk directly there.  Using unconventional methods is much more fun.  Personally, I prefer a mixture of parkour and dawdling, but hopping is super-fun, too.  Whatever you do, DO NOT RUSH.  Take as much time as possible, stopping point out every airplane, dog, cloud, leaf, crumb, and fire hydrant (is it just me, or have you guys recently noticed there are fire hydrants EVERYWHERE!?)

3.) Exercise regularly.  Some people say 3-5 times per week, but I don't know what a week is, so I do 3-5 times per day.  I move a lot, and I jump on my trampoline, or I dance, or I run back and forth.  If you don't work hard enough to feel a little short of breath, then just pretend by breathing fast for a few seconds so your parents notice you.

4) Help somebody. I love, love LOVE to be busy, and my mom has a lot to do, so I like to help her. 

I like to help Mom bake bread, and I love to help with the dishes.  Here's a bonus tip about dishes Mom just taught me: you can use a sponge to scrub the food off, too!  You don't have to rely completely on soap and water to get them clean!

5.) Stay organized. Personally, I like to keep all of my papers and toys in the living room, dining room, kitchen, breakfast nook, my room, Mom & Dad's room, and the hallway. That way they're contained and I don't have to look all over the house to find what I need.  I like to keep Mom and Dad organized the same way.  Different systems work for different people, though, so just find what works best for you!

6.) There is never a bad time for a selfie, even when you're in the bathroom.  I got Mom in on this one, too.

7.) Find your happy place.  Somewhere that even the thought of going there makes you happy.  Mine are the library and Aldi.  The library is good for so much more than books!  There are toys and computers, and I get to stand on a stool and help check things out--they even have a drinking fountain!  Aldi is great, too, and I love to ride out to the car hiding under all of the grocery bags.

8.) When you get an ouchie, just put a band aid on it and go to bed. 'Nugging someone you love can help you feel bebber, too! In the picture below, I didn't even know how much my ouchie hurt until I saw the band aids.  It would have been a lot of work to take of my jammies and stick them on my knees, so I just skipped a step and put them on my jammie knees...

9.)  You have a voice-- make sure you are heard!  Say it LOUD.  Repeatedly.  Tell people what you need/want/think/see/smell/hear all the time.  If you're not sure they got it, say "Do you understand?" 

10.) Eat your cinnamon roll from the inside out.  You don't know when you will be full (or ready to stop eating for some other reason), so make sure you eat the good stuff first!

weekly meditations: Philippians 4:13

" I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

weekly meditations: Deuteronomy 31:8

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Deuteronomy 31:8

weekly meditations: Psalm 33:20

On July 19, our town was hit by a tornado. Sapphire was at our house to visit for the afternoon.  I got a text from daycare (The Peanut was home with me, but they just send all texts to the whole group).  It said:

"Parents! Children are in a safe shelter location! Please wait till storm warning has passed before coming to pick them up!  Thank you!"

I had heard no sirens and received no other alerts on my phone.  Confused, Sapphire and I checked our weather apps.  Sure enough, there was a tornado warning stating tornadoes had been spotted in the area.  We went to the basement with Peanut and the dogburts to wait for the warning to expire.  We were down there for a half an hour with no so much as a rain drop-- the warning  would expire in 15 minutes.  We were just starting to wonder if the storm would simply go around us, when all of a sudden there was a lot of wind and a pressure change. Sapphire sat on the floor to comfort the dogs, while I held Peanut, wrapped in a blanket. I prayed.

It was over as fast as it had started.  When we emerged from the basement and looked around outside, we looked like we had been hit pretty hard.  In the days that followed (and still, every time I drive to work), I realized the tornado just missed  us.  A block north of us was WAY worse.  Our air conditioner was smashed by a branch, once window on the front porch blew out, and the garage door was blown out as well.  However, our roof was intact and all windows in the house were intact as well.  Our house was very safe and livable.

Reports after the storm revealed there were no lives lost due to the tornado- Praise the Lord!

On the Sunday morning after the tornado, I looked back at my devotional for July 19.  I hadn't read by devotional the day of the tornado, but here are bits of what it said:

"I am your Help and your Shield...You definitely need Me as your Shield.  I protect you from many dangers-- physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Sometimes you're aware of My protective work on your behalf, but I also shield you from perils you never even suspect.  Find comfort in this assurance of My powerful Presence watching over you. Fear no evil, My cherished one, for I am with you." - Jesus Always, July 19 (p. 210)

God's hand was on our town that day, and I know that the Lord has spared us.  I also know that there is so much more I don't understand.  God is reminding me over and over again that His ways are higher than mine, and the picture is so much bigger than the little bit that I can see.

Our weekly meditation is taken from the devotional on the day of the tornado:

"We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield."

Psalm 33:20

I am clinging to my hope in the LORD and His sovereignty, not only as our town rebuilds after the storm, but as our little family continues to wait on our adoption.  We've hit a small snag, and we are praying for guidance and waiting for some answers.  Your prayers would be appreciated!

weekly meditations: Psalm 37:7

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who carries out wicked schemes." 

Psalm 37:7

weekly meditations: Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30