Do I like nursing?

As I near the 6 month milestone in my new nursing career, I've been asked a lot (and ask myself, too!)..."Do I like it?"  Do I like nursing as a career? Do I like my job specifically? Do I like working night shift.

To make a long story short: Yes.  Yes. Yes.

But I'm not really one to make a story short when I could go on and on, so if you're interested in The Long Story...read on.

3 months ago my answers would have been "Prooobably." "I'm not sure I'm lovin' it, but I'm interested in working in OB." and "Nights sure beat Days!"  Now I'm feeling much more settled, and a little bit more competent (just a little!), and I'm extremely grateful (most of the time) that God chose to make me a nurse .  Since nothing is ever 100% perfect, and there's always bad with the good (and good with the bad), let's break it down a little.  Here are 5 things I don't like, and 5 things I do like.

5 things I don't like:

1. Working and having a job.  I know that these are both good things, but having that obligation really cramps my style, ya know?  Not to mention it takes a lot of time.  It would be so much nicer to have every day, evening, and weekend off!  But this is what God has called me to do, so here I am.
2. The rest of the world does not operate on a night shift schedule.  Packages are delivered (causing the dogs to bark like crazy) about an hour after I get to sleep.  Important phone calls come in the middle of the day (middle of the night, for me), and I am sometimes forced to choose between sleeping and missing out, or showing up and being a zombie. If I worked days, these things would be a little more clean-cut: I can be there, or I can't be there. I'm working or its my day off.  The lines are a little fuzzier on nights. Also, trainings and meetings are never scheduled at convenient times for night people. But is there every really a convenient time?
3. Dealing with anxious, confused, agitated, or otherwise very needy patients.  Like the ones that have a hefty dose of Lasix ordered for 2100 (why?!) and need assistance to transfer to the commode.  Every. 10. minutes.  I think I find this especially draining (no pun intended) because at home I have a very mommy-dependent toddler that wants to be with me all of the time, and even if she doesn't want to be with me, she requires CONSTANT VIGILANCE (in the words of Mad-Eye Moody).  Its just a lot of being needed, and not much of a break.
4. Calling the doctor.  Because I hate calling people in general (does anybody actually like it?), and because I know I sound like I'm 12 when I'm on the phone (and probably in person, too), and because I'm always afraid they'll ask me something I don't know but I should, and because it usually means the doctor forgot something or I forgot something or the patient has had a change of status. Not good things.  Thankfully, we have some really great docs (especially on nights) and after working with them for awhile you can have an idea of what to expect from them, and what they expect from you.
5. I don't like not being perfect. I hate it that I'm not super-nurse.  I can never get everything done, and if I can, it's not done on time.  I can never give my patients the level of care that I want to.  This is mostly due to the fact that I can only be in one place at one time, and I only have 2 hands and not 4.  And they forgot to give me my magic wand at our pinning ceremony (I really need to follow up on that).  I'm slowly learning to become more efficient and sort out what really does and doesn't matter.  And occasionally I have come home after a shift and thought "maybe I kind of did ok."

5 things I do like:

1. Working and having a job. Yes, the "I want to stay home/I want to work" debate is never. ending. in my head (seriously, it never stops).  But I'm glad I have a reason to get out of the house.  I'm glad to have a break from The Peanut that I love so much, and I'm glad she gets time with her dad without me.  It really helps that the work I do is extremely meaningful and pretty fulfilling. And I'm not complaining about the money that gets deposited into our checking account due to the fact that I work.  The money that allows me to PAY SOMEONE TO CLEAN MY HOUSE.  Yes, you read that right.  I pay someone to clean my house, and it is WORTH IT!!
2. What I love about nights is that there are way less people around.  On days you can walk into the nurses' station at any given moment and there could be 5-15 people in there.  On nights you walk in and chances are good there will be NO ONE in there.  We don't deal with physical therapy, or doctors rounding, there are a lot fewer visitors (don't get be wrong, they are still very much there), and there are no administrators- just a House Supervisor.  The vibe is much more chill on nights.  The lights are out.  Even when it gets busy (which it does!) it is a quiet busy.  I love the night-shift vibe.  And the people that work nights tend to be much more laid-back and easygoing as well.
3. Being there for patients who are anxious, confused, agitated, very sick, or otherwise need a nurse.  I love bedside nursing! I love taking care of people.  I love explaining things to them as much as I am able.  I love helping them when they really need help.  I love talking to them and joking with them, and hearing their stories (they have some GREAT stories, guys), and making them comfortable and fluffing their pillows and getting them pain meds and fresh ice water. And I LOVE giving them warm blankets.  Nursing is the best, guys!  I LOVE it! What a relief...nursing school was quite a hell to go through, and how awful would it be if I didn't like nursing?
4. The team of people that I work with is fantastic.  Since I clearly am not perfect, I rely on others so much.  First of all, the grace of my All-Powerful God has carried me (and my patients) through more that I will ever know.  Secondly, the aides, nurses, supervisors, monitor techs, lab techs, respiratory therapists (love them!) and yes...even the doctors that I work with are all in it together to do what's best for the patients we care for.  We help each other and we support each other.  And we have fun, too!
5. I love that the work I do is meaningful and life-giving.  When the world around me seems to be filled with darkness and dismay, and there is so much that I feel helpless about, I feel like there are maybe some things I can help with.  I can't save the world (but God can!), I can't heal anybody (but God can!), but at least I now have more skills to use to serve the Lord and help hurting people.

So, yes, I like nursing.  Yes, I like my job (I think I'll hold off on moving to OB for now).  And night shift is definitely my jam.

As always, thanks for hanging in there with me.  I know my posting isn't very consistent, but you all read and support me anyway, and I am so thankful!

So... it has come to this

Here we are again, my friends.  That part of the show where I am coming back from a long absence (I think this was a new record), thanking you for being here, for not giving up on me.

Clearly, I don't even know where to start.  I think we last left off with how to get through it... and we got through it!  At least my little family did.  Barely.  By God's grace alone.  To God be the glory, great things He has done!

Let's hit the highlights since my last post, and then we can just move forward:

Last December I was honored to be part of a wedding for some very special friends.  The bride was a 5th grader in the Sunday school class we started teaching the summer after we moved here.  In the last 9 years our relationship has changed from a frustrated student and teacher to a sweet friendship and I was so blessed to be a bridesmaid and stand with her and her husband (from Tim's Sunday school class!) as they exchanged vows before the Lord.  Two lessons from this:

1) When you first meet someone, you NEVER know where that relationship will go.
2) It is amazing how God grows and changes people!

That's me on the right...a lot of people didn't recognize me!

The Peanut turned 1 in January, and we had a little bit of a party.  Her Aunt Kelly and Uncle Justin came to visit and some of her friends came over for cupcakes and hot cocoa.  We tried not to go overboard... I think we succeed. We were lucky to accomplish a party at all!

She liked the cupcakes

In March I BECAME AN AUNT!!!!  Guys, being an aunt is SO GREAT.  Honestly, when I found out about my nephew's arrival, the feeling I had was what I had expected to feel when I became a mom.  To see them and be like "Awwww' and just instantly love them.  Becoming a mom was so different, though.  Of course I loved the Peanut right away, but it was a ferocious, terrifying love.  Like "If anything happens to this child I don't know how I could even keep on breathing."  Of course I would be devastated if anything happened to my nephew, but it's just a lot different.  Probably because I'm not the one responsible for keeping him alive.  I didn't get to meet him until I was done with school in May, so it was so much fun to love him to death and explain that I'm the silly aunt (just so he knows).  That kid is the highlight of my year.

HE'S SO HANDSOME I CAN'T EVEN STAND IT!!!

Cousins!

In May I finally graduated from nursing school with my Associate Degree in Nursing!  SUCH a good feeling.  School was killer.  It really, really tried to kill me.  I was so tired, I even drank flavored coffee.  Twice!  (It was all that was available...I take my coffee black- no flavor, no cream, no sugar).  I remember being with my family for a weekend to have a baby shower for my sister, and thinking to myself (as I was sitting in a room by myself, pumping and studying) "Everyone tells me what I'm doing is crazy and they don't know how I'm doing, but at least no one has said 'Steph, I'm worried about you.  Seriously, are you ok?' So it can't really be that bad..."  The next morning I was sitting at the table eating breakfast and working on a take-home test that was due Monday when I got back.  Dad-- (Dad!)-- came in and said "Steph...I'm worried about you."  Dad doesn't say things like that.  It was that bad. But the Lord carried me through, because this is what He has called me to.

These two made so many sacrifices to get me through school. I love them!

Sven surprised me and came for graduation!

In June we went on our long-awaited vacation to my FAVORITE vacation spot, my happy place...Hilton Head!  We went with Tim's extended family to celebrate his grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary.  The house we stayed at was AMAZING, and we had a great time, but let me tell you...Hilton Head is a very different experience with a toddler.  She had a great time and was such a trooper though. We are so thankful for the fun-loving, happy, laid-back kid we have.  And we're so thankful for Grandmom and PopPop and their generosity in taking us all to Hilton Head and their example of 60 years of love and commitment to each other and the Lord.

This summer I also starting working full-time nights as an RN at the hospital where I had been working as an aide.  It has been challenging, rewarding, exhausting and a HUGE adjustment for our family.  But that's pretty much a whole post in itself, so we'll talk about that later (probably).

As usual, we snuck away for a weekend at the lake with Sapphire and the Peanut did much better this year than she did last year.  It was a fun and relaxing weekend, but maybe next time we'll leave the toddler home with some friends to help with the laid-back lake weekend vibe.

Late July and August have been filled with travels, since my sister Kelly is getting married in September!  The Peanut and I flew back to Ohio for the bridal shower, then a few weeks later I left the Peanut here with her dad and flew to Albuquerque.  Both weekends were very full but a lot of fun.

The beautiful bride!

And that pretty much brings us up to the present.  While these were all big moments that were pretty exciting, this summer I've been remembering that it's really the little moments that make life so great.  Having a slow breakfast with the Peanut while we watch Instagram stories, spending time outside watering my plants in the evening, Skype calls with grandparents, and Bible study with friends.  I'm so glad to be free from school to enjoy these moments!! We continue to adjust to my new job and work schedule, but overall we're doing great.

Hopefully I will be checking in here more often now that I've cleared the hurdle of Breaking The Silence.  Blogging helps me get things out of my head, and helps me look back and remember where we've been and where we're going.  Maybe I'll do some kind of regular posting "Bake of the Week", more episodes of "Real Life with the Taylors" or I could even finish up my "London Travel Tips" series.  Or maybe I won't post again for another year :)  One never knows.

For an explanation of the title, check out (the always-informative) xkcd 1022.  If you didn't need an explanation, then I'm glad we're friends.