It's been awhile since I've updated you on our adoption. The reasons are many...progress has been very slow, and every step completed just leads to more waiting, so even though each milestone is significant, it doesn't feel like it brings us any closer to a completed adoption. Also, (and this is very much my own "junk") when I do tell people about a completed step, it leads to many questions about what that means, what's next, and how long it will be. I have a basic understanding of what these things mean, but I don't know answers to questions like "what is next" and "how long will it be." For the most part I'm ok with not knowing these answers (at least I'm trying to be ok with it), but many other people are NOT ok with not know these answers, and sometimes I can start to absorb their anxiety about it. Additionally, we do know answers to some of these questions, but it is not necessarily our place (or appropriate) to share them with others.
The tricky thing is, it's not that I don't want people to ask about our adoption... I do! I want to have conversations about it! I just don't know how to balance these things out. Tim and I are working hard at trusting the Lord and trying to manage our expectations for this adoption, but it often feels like the more challenging thing is to manage other people's expectations for our adoption.
It is very hard to put words to my thoughts and feelings, so for the most part, I just try to not talk about it. But I'm realizing that's not probably very good for me, so I'm trying to get some of it out here. (Thanks for listening!)
Since we last checked in on this topic, a few things have happened that are "big milestones." In July we received the final copy of our home study report. In November, we submitted our report, along with our I-600A form to USCIS (US Customs and Immigration Services). On January 12, 2019 we were notified that USCIS approved us to adopt internationally. So where are we now? Basically, we are waiting on a referral, aka, "a match." At this time, we feel that God is calling us to adopt a sibling group of two children, but we are trying to be sensitive to His leading, understanding that He may guide us in a different direction. We do not believe that we will be adopting a "baby," because the youngest child at the orphanage is about 4 years old. Sometimes people ask me "how are things going with your baby?" or say "I'm praying for your baby" and my initial reaction is confusion and "What baby? Oh, our adoption? Yeah..." That doesn't mean that at some point a baby may come to the orphanage and God may lead us in that direction, but right now, that's not where our brains are.
We have no idea how long it will take to be matched... so far it has been about 1.5 months. I don't know what happens after that, but what I understand (roughly) is that we will send our dossier to CAR, it will be translated, there will be some court dates (2 seems to be the usual number of court dates), we will file an I-600 form with USCIS, and when that is approved, there are final exit interviews and visas to get before we travel to go bring them home. Each of these steps can take a very long time, and each initial step in our case took way longer than "average" or expected.
God is working through this wait, in CAR, in our kid(s), in people we don't even know or see, and in people surrounding us. I don't see all that He is doing, but I do see the work He is doing in me, and I am learning many things. Here are a few of them.
- Adoption is beautiful, but it always starts with trauma. It is so important that we honor and recognize the biological families that adopted children come from and respect the very hard decisions they had to make.
- Culture is so complicated. It is also so much a part of who we are, that it is difficult to realize when we are viewing something--especially what we consider "right" and "wrong" through the lens of our own culture. That's why I'm so grateful that God gives us His Word, and His Spirit is faithful to reveal our hearts and His Truth.
- I am not "saving" this kid/ these kids by adopting them. They are in a very good, very healthy place. I'm realizing that most orphanages are not as good as JHO, and I'm so grateful for the staff there and financial supporters of the ministry. I pray daily for physical and spiritual protection over them and their work.
- My good friend, Kari, recently shared with me from her study of the life of David-- "The wait isn't nothing." God is using it and working in it.
- The Lord will fight for me. The Lord will fight on behalf of these orphans. The battle is not mine. I need to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12). I need to be the persistent widow Christ spoke of in Luke 18. Luke introduces the story by saying "Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up" (Luke 18:1). There are many times I have wondered whether or not this adoption will actually happen. While it is looking perhaps a little bit more likely, there is still no guarantee that it will come to fruition. Yes, we feel that God has clearly called us to walk down this path, but I do not believe that He has (yet) promised us it will end with a child. A friend of mine has experienced several miscarriages, and as she has worked through that with the Lord, He has asked her "What if the outcome of all of this is not another child? What if it is simply a closer walk with Me? Is that enough for you?" Wow. Hard questions. But what could be better that a closer walk with God?
Thanks for reading this brain barf. I was going to try to cover some frequently asked questions here as well, but this post is long enough already, so I'll do that in another post soon. I know I said I get tired of answering questions, but I also said I do still want people to ask! So, let me know what questions you have, and I will try to cover them in my next post!
I'm also adding an "Adoption" page to the blog that I will slowly add to with the timeline of our process, links to adoption posts, and some resources I've found helpful. Remember that each adoption story is different, and our process may look completely different from someone else's.
Again, thanks for being here, supporting, encouraging, and walking with us through this process!
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