3 things I learned from my mom

Happy Mother's Day, everyone!  I hope you're honoring the mothers in your life.  Sadly, I can't be with my mom today, but I spent yesterday with her, and since we live 11 hours apart, I think that's pretty good!

My mom is an amazing woman.  Most of you know that, because most of you know her!  Putting into words what my mom means to me is difficult, overwhelming, and impossible.  However, I have been reflecting a lot lately, and sorting through which life lessons came from her.  Some of these things are subtle, and I don't understand how I learned it until I looked back, and other things I felt very much in the moment that she was trying to teach me :)  But all of them are important, and I'm so glad she taught me these things... with her actions and deeds far more than her words.

1- Kindness is a big deal.
I've been reading lots of stories lately, and when you are looking in on someone else's world like that, you can see so much more how a person is deeply affected by the smallest things.  My mom taught us to always be kind (note: this does not mean that we were always kind... and it is still a struggle often).  We all know that the smallest mean comment can change a person forever, and teasing can scar a person for life.  We've seen it happen to others and we've experienced it ourselves.  But just as even a small bit of meaness has a huge impact, so does a small bit of kindness.  Sitting with someone who is by themself.  Acknowledging people who are ignored by others.  Simple, basic manners go a long way!  Being mean is never ok... ever.  Even though its way easier in the moment to be harsh or cruel, it makes the rest of your life after that harder, as you have to live with yourself after you hurt someone.  Being kind in the first place can save you from a lot of regret.  As adults, I think (hope!) most of us are past the point where we pick on someone for no apparent reason, but we often feel justified in our nasty gossip, cruel words, and unkind actions, because they are aimed at people who aren't very nice to us.  But (this is how my mom helped me to see it)... those people are unkind for a reason.  They are hurting, and they are expressing that pain.  So don't confront their pain by adding to it...try to be kind--even just a little bit-- and help to ease their pain. You don't know what someone is going through, so it is always a good idea to play it safe and be kind.

Now here's the real stickler about this lesson... you always know what is kind and what is not.  Yes, you do!  In your gut you know if the words you are about to say is kind or not...be kind.


2- Hospitality
We were always having company when I was growing up, and mom LOVED IT.  Feeding people and welcoming them into her home just made her light up.  Mom is an extrovert and she loves being around people and making them comfortable.  However, I want to clarify the difference here between hospitality and entertaining.

Hospitality is welcoming others and providing comfort.

Entertaining is "providing amusement or enjoyment."

Hospitality is not just having people over. You can provide comfort without someone coming to your house, and you can "entertain guests" without showing hospitality.  I think of entertaining as a verb, and hospitality as a way of being...it is part of your character.  

When we were kids, and we would come home and tell mom there was a new kid in our class, she would always, ALWAYS ask us if we talked to them, sat with them at lunch, played with them at recess.  If they were hanging with others, that was fine, but we certainly should not have let them be alone and left out!  Likewise, when we complained that we didn't have anyone to play with at recess, she told us to look for someone else who didn't have anyone to play with.  Reaching out to the lost and the "left out" was a really, really big deal to Mom, and she has passed that along to us.

To be honest, though... it is a blessing and a curse.  I am glad that I have been taught to reach out to others, but on the other hand when you open your eyes to look around for someone who might be hurting... you will see A LOT of people.  And it's kind of overwhelming.  But God is faithful to give us what He asks us to give, and if He put those people in front of you to minister to them, He will give you what you need to do it.


3-Wifeishness
This is one I didn't realize until later in life... when I married my dad Tim.  Tim is so much like my dad it isn't even funny.  My dad and husband are both great men, and I love them like crazy, but I have a so much more appreciation for my mom and how she manages her home and relates to her husband! 

This one is really hard to put into words, but I will try.

I didn't understand why she worried so much about keeping the house clean.  I now realize she wanted our place to be a relaxing safe haven where others felt comfortable and we weren't overcome by our "stuff."

I took dinner every night with a main dish and two sides for granted.  Now I understand what a true accomplishment that is!  And I see how my husband feels loved and appreciated when I put in the effort to make good food.  (However, 2 sides is usually reserved for company :)

I would get annoyed when mom would shush us or tell us to leave dad alone for awhile.  I understand better now the stress he faces everyday providing for us and leading our home.

I know that there are a lot of negative connotations to the idea of "submission," but I can tell you (and most of you know) my mom isn't exactly a doormat.  But she works hard to keep things running smoothly on the home front and to help and support my dad so that his burden is lighter, and he knows he is loved.  Yeah, sometimes that malfunctions, things get out of balance, and efforts are misunderstood... but that's just life.

Marriage is a team effort, is what I'm saying.  Instead of just complaining that I'm the only one contributing anything, I need to look and see all of the things my husband contributes.  This is true for any relationship, not just marriage.

That only scratches the surface of what my mom has taught me.  I love my mom so much, and I am so, so, SO grateful and blessed to have grown up in her home.

I love you, Mom!  Thank you so much for all you have taught me, and for all you have put up with raising the four of us :)  Happy Mother's Day!