This is probably the first of many posts where I try (unsuccessfully) to not say All The Things that new parents say. Also, what does one even say at a time like this?
When I was pregnant, most of my anticipatory child-rearing anxieties revolved around character-building, and how to train our child. Since having her, my fears have become much more immediate and survival centered. While I still pray "Lord, I pray that she would grow to know and honor you" (when I think of it), my prayer every night as I kneel beside my bed is "Lord, please keep her ALIVE! Please help her to continue to breathe throughout the night." Not because she's having any particular illness or respiratory difficulties, but those (what I've come to learn are normal) baby noises can sure make it sound like she's choking or about to die. Strangely, she doesn't seem as fragile as I assume newborns are. Maybe it's because she's mine, or maybe it's because she's wicked strong, but in any case, "handling" her isn't as nerve-wracking as I thought it would be.
Everyone says that having a baby will change you forever, and you will experience a love you've never know before. It definitely does change you! I mean, Tim's holding a baby, so if that doesn't show you how life-changing it is, I don't know what would.
As for that love...yes, but it's not what I expected. I notice it when we share her picture on Facebook and everyone states the obvious and says "She's so beautiful! How precious! What a perfect baby!" And my reactions are "Obviously! Of course she is. Yes, she's perfect, but don't tell her that, I don't want her to get a complex." It's just weird that I would think anyone was perfect. (For the record, that feeling is wearing off.) I also realize how much I love her when I think about how devastated I would be if anything happened to her. So I try not to think about it. But when I do, it takes me down tearful paths.
I just look at her and realize how much better her life is already than so many people in this world. She has everything she could possibly want or need, and God has put Tim and I in a position that we can make sure she has the best care possible (from people other that us, that is. We're still not the best at this parenting thing.) I get so sad when I think about babies and parents in the US and around the world who do not have the resources and support that they need to thrive or even survive. But I know that God has given us so much so that we can share it with others, and having this little Peanut has given me fresh eyes for needs in this world and what can be done to help. One of my favorite bloggers, Ashley Ann, is on a trip to Ecuador with Compassion International, and her thoughts are resonating with my new-mom heart in a big way.
And now to answer the question I know you all are asking...how are the dogs taking it? Jynx was super-duper excited when she came home, and very curious, sniffing her endlessly. She's a proud big sister that looks after baby sis. She wants to be RIGHT THERE when I am taking care of the Peanut, especially if she's fussing. The first time we left Peanut in a room by herself (with the baby monitor on, of course) Jynx was VERY concerned, wondering where she was and who was watching her. When Jynx figured out what room Peanut was in, she felt the need to guard the door so that someone was keeping an eye on that baby.
Tico is a little less enthralled. He's definitely feeling like the displaced baby. He's becoming more accepting of Peanut herself, but still seems to resent his new position. I'm trying to be intentional about making sure he still gets love and snuggles and the occasional walk.
Everybody asks where she got her hair. Arguably, from me. When I first laid eyes on her, I was strongly reminded of my baby picture. She and I have something else in common...Tim is our favorite person in the world!
ps- I know I need to change the blog title...I'm getting there
